they dont hear what you say, only what you do..

Make sure, that before you set standards for your teens to live by, that you also, plan to abide by them. Because breaking them, even if your teens don’t know, somehow welcomes a spirit of rebellion and still lowers the standard in the atmosphere of your home. It won’t be long before you catch your teen breaking them too. They will learn submission by watching you submit, and they will learn rebellion by watching you rebel. Your poor decisions don’t only affect you, but them as well. Sometimes the reason Parents have lost control of their teen is because they have not practiced self control. How can you expect them to do what you are not willing to do yourself?  Your teens will not do as you say, they will do as you do. You must live what you are teaching, they will not understand double standards. Double standards will only cause resentment.

always with love…

Discipline must be cloaked in love. If we fail to love, we’ll lose their trust; their respect and eventually, their hearts…

its time for change..

If you are talking negative about other people and judging them on their poor choices, in front of your children. Then chances are when they are teens or grown, they wont trust you, and will not share anything with you before making permanent mistakes of their own.

There is always a reason why our children refuse to open up to us. You cannot force trust on someone, and you cannot demand it, trust is earned, trust comes from witnessing consistant behavior that is trust worthy.

If we can be more mindful of our actions and behavior, taking into consideration that our children are watching and listening at all times. Knowing that our decisions on how we respond to different scenarios help to mold our relationship with our children. How we react and speak and behave is how they see us. How do we want to be know by our children? Do we want to know that our children only respect us when we are around them, and then when we leave the room, they roll their eyes and disrespect us? Do we want them to whisper to each other that we are just drama out of control?

What do you want in your relationship? What did you desire in your relationship with your parents when you were a youth?  Are we models of what we grew up with, is that just how our family is and always will be?  We don’t have to live by old mentalities, we don’t have to follow the old ways. Take some time to write yourself a letter about what you want in life, in your relationships, in your family. What would be the perfect world for you?  Then, just begin taking steps towards that direction and do the best you can to see it happen. I promise you if you take your role seriously and every day make a point to be the change you want to see happen in your family, you will see it. That will be the greatest reward and your children and future generations will thank you for it.

no pushing…

As Parents of our gifted children, we are sometimes tempted to impose our own expectations on our kids. We need to be the wind beneath their wings, not a rushing gust of high winds that blow them in the direction we want them to go, instead of the direction God may have for them. We don’t want to push them to their success, but eagerly provide joyful support, positive encouragement while constantly reminding them that we are there for them and we love them no matter what. Have them take time out to play, laugh and have some fun, while we gently steer our kids in that direction that we can see they are gifted in! This is how we can help our children reach their destination in achieving their God given potential.

Shame motivates no one…

Some kids have a hard time with getting their priorities in line or with planning ahead to make sure that the important things are taken care of.  Sometimes putting ourselves in their shoes or even going back to the day when we were young, and just remembering how hard things were, can help us be more understanding and more patient. Issues in life seemed much bigger than we see them now. The reality is that youth don’t have the wisdom that adults have so, some things may seem hopeless to them, but as adults we can see how simple it is. How sad for an adult to forget what it was like to be a youth and fail to remember their own faults and struggles, so they have no problem with condemning and ridiculing youngsters who desperately need more from them.  If there is a youth placed in your path, go back in time and treat this child as you would have desired to be treated at their age. The most effective way to encourage a youth to try harder in that area that they struggle in, is to believe in them. Don’t humiliate them; don’t announce to the world their failures. Encourage them, be there for them, try to help in any way that you can. What if they keep repeating the same mistake? Keep believing in them anyway! There should be no limit to your encouraging words. It may take one mistake for a youth to learn his lesson, for others it may take repeating this same mistake dozens of times, at any rate, to you; it shouldn’t change your view of them. If you are consistent in believing in them, eventually they too will begin to believe in themselves. If you truly want to help them, then be patient and let them grow in their timing.

Good morning Moms..

I believe Mothers have one of the most powerful jobs on earth. You know Moms; with God’s help we can influence our children to become world changers and history makers. There is not a better investment that we could make in the lives of our children than giving them as much doses of encouraging words as possible. It costs us very little in time and effort, we have to talk anyway, why not throw in some inspiration too? The reward would be to see them grow healthy and mentally strong, bold and whole.

It’s so important to me that when it’s my time to leave this earth, I want to leave with the confidence in knowing that through the course of my life as a mother I made enough deposits of confidence, security and well-being into my children’s emotional banks. So they would be wise to build on their strengths knowing that they do have something great to contribute to this world. I want them to know how beautiful and precious they are to God and to me and that nothing is impossible for them if they just believe. Most importantly I want them secure and rooted in God, so they will know He is ever present and always able to supply the help that they need and when difficult situations arise they will always feel the pull from God in which direction to go…

There is still time, every day is a new day, another opportunity to make this happen, it’s never too late to begin. As long as we are alive, as long as we can communicate, then we can begin to speak life into our children. We win, by seeing them win.

I want this more than anything, how about you? you can email me, we can help each other, together we can do this. God bless all you beautiful Mamas. I Love You!

let them grow…

We must willingly let our children go to answer the call of God. Don’t become angry when they decide to set out on their own. Let them go with your blessing so they will feel confident and they will succeed! In their success they will always remember your love and your support so you too will succeed, because they will acknowledge you and honor you for their success. Letting them go tells them you believe in them.When your kids are gone, the love and relationship is not gone, it’s just spreading out! 🙂

Where there is no vision..

“Where there is no vision, the people perish” there are too many young girls who have no vision of what kind of a man they should choose. Without a vision they will not set standards and are more susceptible to emotional manipulation. Dads, you set a standard for their future relationships. They will expect to be treated with dignity and respect because this is what they have received in the relationship with their Dad. When young men become interested in your daughter, she will measure him by the standard that you have set, and if he doesn’t measure up, she will keep walking! So Dads, be the prince charming in her life, show her what healthy relationships are supposed to look like…

Daddy’s hugs

Dad, your daughters need affection from you. If you don’t hug them and show them what a healthy display of love is supposed to feel like, they will learn it the wrong way. They will be fooled into thinking that sex will satisfy that need for affection. Most cases their ignorance will allow for some guy to manipulate them into giving sex to get affection, and then leave them feeling even worse than before. Still hungry for love and affection, add to that, rejection, betrayal, and abandonment, low self-esteem and value, depression and the list goes on. Come on Dads, take care of our young women, if the marriage ended, your position as Daddy hasn’t, please own your role as a parent. Your kids need you!

New Year Resolutions..

Of all the resolutions being tossed back and forth in our minds. I can’t help but to wonder why cant we just make one change that would affect every area of our lives. I wonder what kind of year 2013 will be if we all chose to NOT speak a negative word all year. I believe if we choose to look at the bright side in most thoughts or situations, we can see a positive change in our attitudes and relationships!

For example; Mom has too much laundry to do, her kids are getting the clothes dirty after wearing it once and she is tired of washing. So Mom gets negative thoughts that I wont elaborate on but, they are not nice. Mom entertains those thoughts and begins to stew. Mom gets an attitude with kids, kids feel it and return it. Mom just set the negative atmosphere in her home. Kids start fighting, yelling and before you know it everyone is sent to bed early and no one is happy. Does this sound familiar?

So, Mom, you have too much laundry to do, when the negative thoughts start coming in, shoo them away! Yes, there are lots of dirty clothes, but that means your kids are healthy! They are playing and having fun, they are happy! How wonderful, that they are not laid up at Children’s Hospital fighting for their health like many kids are. How wonderful that they are home safe with you! I can even add another thought, how wonderful that you have plenty of clothes for them to wear and that you have a washer machine that you can wash those clothes in! Oh the list of positive things that you can focus on are many! So, now that we are focused on things that are more positive, mom feels thankful now! Her thoughts towards her kids are now loving and grateful! She has a loving attitude towards them, they return it. Mom just set the Positive loving atmosphere in her home. Kids are getting along, acting respectful and before you know it everyone is happy and has a great evening! Moms, we set the tone in our home.

The kids feed off of us. Sometimes the kids come home negative from another place and your calmness and gentleness and love will calm them down and the tone in your home will eventually cause that negative feeling they have to disappear! Moms, the key is when negative thoughts begin to come into your mind, shoo them away and quickly find positive things to replace them with. I have heard it said, “you cant stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop him from building a nest” Be positive Moms, set the positive tone in your home. New year resolution, don’t act positive, BE POSITIVE in every area of life… be the change you want to see happen in your home… Happy New Year!